February 27, 2006 at 11:01 pm (Uncategorized)

stu·por Pronunciation Key (stpr, sty-)

1. A state of reduced or suspended sensibility.
2. A state of mental numbness, as that resulting from shock; a daze.

I was thirsty, so I drank. But when I drank, my thirst did not quench, so I drank more. As I drank, I tried to remember what made me thirsty. I grew thirsty because I was thinking of her; I wanted to forget. But as I drank, I could not forget. I could only remember more. Happy moments grew happier, sad moments – sadder. So I drank, and drank and drank. I hoped that by the time I reached the bottom of the bottle, I would be too numb to think. I was wrong. Every sip I took only aplified the thoughts, the memories. It was always one sided from the begining, it was like hitting a brick wall. I thought that if I hit harder, it would finally break and let me in. I belived that if I hit harder, it would let me in. But with each hit, it only grew stronger; the next hit only felt more painful. But with my mind left in a stupor, even though I knew that I shouldnt be doing what I was, I still did. I hit and hit against the wall, I drank and drank till I could no longer drink. I reached the bottom of the bottle, hoping to find joy and freedom, but I only found sorrow and bondage. I sit here now, sounding like I know what’s really going on – but I will return tonight and drink again – hoping to find the thing that I wont, hoping to forget what I cant. Maybe it’s not my thirst that I should heed. Maybe I just need to bleed?

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February 26, 2006 at 11:47 pm (Uncategorized)

I had a long post planned for today. I wanted to let go of lots of feelings and thoughts that I have in my head/heart, but I guess I won’t.

I feel tired. My body feels weak, my brain feels numb, my heart… lets not even go there.

I write for a living, and I realized that I have been blogging much much less since I started this job. Maybe I just want to relax at home after a long day of work? But so much has happened in the past 6 months… so much. I wish I could just let everything out, and heave a sigh of relief, but as the cliche says – truth hurts (and I might not be the one getting hurt, heh).

So yeah… it’s been a long 6 months, but the past 2 months have been the longest. The past 2 weeks? It’s been hell.

So here I am, sitting at home staring at my two computer screens – it seems like I cant escape these electical buggers. Maybe it’s the prolonged exposure to the rays they emit. Maybe thats making me tired. Maybe I’m just realizing the truth. Truth hurts.

Maybe I’m just tired of the recuring experiences. It seems like my life has been stuck in a cruel cycle – the same things keep happening over and over again, and like a blooming idiot, I just go with the flow and keep the cycle going. Maybe I’m so tired of running in circles. Maybe I’m tired because I’m trying too hard to get out of the cycles?

Maybe I’m just tired of life as a whole. Who knows.

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dont act crab

February 10, 2006 at 9:32 pm (Uncategorized)


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February 10, 2006 at 10:09 am (Uncategorized)


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wait you….

February 9, 2006 at 5:27 pm (Uncategorized)


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February 8, 2006 at 2:02 am (Uncategorized)

I just realized that my score tied with cat WOMAN …..


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I are…

February 7, 2006 at 12:40 pm (Uncategorized)

Your results:
You are Iron Man

Iron Man
Green Lantern
The Flash
Wonder Woman
Inventor. Businessman. Genius.
Click here to take the Superhero Personality Quiz

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Booze me up

February 6, 2006 at 6:25 pm (Uncategorized)

“A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo”.

“And when the herd is hunted, it is the lowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first”.

“In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells and excessive intake of alcohol kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first, therefore, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine.”

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Still …

February 4, 2006 at 4:55 pm (Uncategorized)

Ah.. its great to be back in KL. Greeted in usual KL style, I got totally mashed last night on some lovely white wine and a couple of shot guns. Charles joined us and was totally and absolutely smashed. Hahahaha wimp.

Anyways, I cant help but feel my self-esteem going down. Ive been trying everything I know. I try to show it sincerely, cunningly, smartly – but nothing seems to work. I guess I gotta face the fact. Its not gonna be me, huh? In my head I know that if I stick around, Im only gonna be the second choice. But is it worth the wait? Sigh… I need more booze.

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